Two people sit across from one another. Their eyes transfixed on one another. They hold long deep gazes without uttering a single word. However, words aren’t necessary in this connection of the soul. With watery eyes they walk away silently in separate directions. Both to an uncertain future but having made peace with their tumultuous past, somehow they found closure.
This could be a scenario of two complicated lovers, or a father and son or mother and daughter relationship. Whatever the case may be, we search for closure. We search for that other person in the relationship to say “it’s OK to move on, I forgive you” or “I’m sorry for (fill in the blank)”. But do we really need it?
When we lose a relationship in death, we mourn but eventually accept the reality that death is a part of life. But in the loss of a living relationship, it’s a bit more complicated. It’s easy when we are the catalyst for a break up. But when it’s the other way around, it’s hard! And that’s the rub. That’s when we seek to find closure.
I’ll admit it would be nice to have closure and put it away in the attic. But this is life and it doesn’t work that way. Nobody is required to give us closure, no one is required to give us permission to move on.
Hey! Wait a minute!…that’s the key. We have the power to give ourselves that permission. We have more power than we realize. It starts with the choice to move forward and we don’t need anyone’s permission to do so. I’m not saying any of this shit is easy…it never is.
In closing I’ll answer the question and say “no, I don’t need closure”. I’m not empowering that person or some object I have of theirs in order to move on. I’m a grown ass man and certainly don’t need their permission. So I ended last year (2016) by cleaning up lot’s of physical items. I had keepsakes and just tossed them. I knew that if I started to read letters, I would put them back in the drawer until the next time I would build up the courage to throw them out. Out they went into a bag and then the street. I felt better, I felt a burden lifted, I felt less tense and I felt……. closure.